Love Globally, Diddle Locally

The basic rules of dating are so obvious in theory, yet are often allusive in practice. My basic rule of dating number one: love globally, diddle locally. Why leave a large carbon footprint chasing long-distance tail when there are perfectly bed-able men in your own neighborhood? Dating is hard enough without the complication of distance. Unless you live in northern Saskatchewan, chances are there are people to screw/love in your zip code.

So, if you're looking to be close to someone, look close by. If you're not looking close by, maybe you should consider your motivations. For the last few years, I've actually found long-distance relationships appealing. Mostly because I feared losing my independence and didn't want someone around every day getting all up in my grill. The better choice, however, would have been to establish boundaries on my time and space instead of thinking I could solve the problem by dating men in the outer regions of time and space.

I'm not saying never have a whirlwind romance with, say... someone you met on vacation. Shit like that is fun, just don't stake your heart on the outcome. If you go into it with no other expectation than to enjoy each other's company and be in love with love for awhile, the affair, however tragic or fruitless, will still be a success.

This rule also does not apply, of course, to people already in an established relationship. If you are in love and your life's goals are forcing you to be apart for a time, you can definitely make a long-distance situation work.

Remember there is no one person for anyone, and exhausting yourself travelling back and forth for someone you barely know is foolish. There are no soul mates (unless you drive matching Kia Souls). Pining away for Billy in Boca? Go to three bars in your neighborhood for three days and you'll quickly forget all about him when you give your number to Tommy, Johnny and Bobby (or Cindy, Sally and Tracy)... you little slut.

lonewolf

Beware of someone who has no friends. It means interpersonal relationships aren’t really all that important to them. So therefore considering the fact that you have feelings won’t really cross their mind.

Solitude is bliss-Tame Impala

rules and wild horses

My last disaster of a relationship taught me many things.  Things about myself and how I date, who I date, etc.  For next time I have made myself a set of warning signs.  I have had some minor set-backs but I think that these were just reminders that these rules are helpful to interpersonal sanity.    Sometimes you have all the answers and you just have found a way to stop listening.

Have you ever given your friends advice that you never take for yourself?

Like, if he won’t tell you his last name, maybe you shouldn’t sleep with him.

If he says that he doesn’t want a relationship right now, maybe you shouldn’t get upset that he puts an end to your hanging out and still acts mixed messagy.

(I am talking about men, because I have only dated men, but I think you could just as easily insert some she(s) in here and it would totally make sense. Although I don't think I have ever heard a female say "I am not feeling the whole relationship thing right now")

These next few posts will be written about rules/red flags we have made for ourselves and effort to stick to them or see those flags when they are so blatantly waving in our faces. Whether we listened to ourselves or fell into the same cyclical traps.

Maybe at this point I should mention that we almost named this blog after Liz Phair's song "Fuck and Run." I never realized how popular that song was in the cathartic blog-o-sphere, maybe you should think about that as you read these next few posts.

Theme 1:

The whys and hows

I guess you can tell by the quote that this is a blog about love or dating or being single or not being in love.  If you guessed all these things you are right, this is a blog about dating and being in love/not being in love and being single ... and sometimes not.

The format:
We choose a theme and write around that theme.  We aren't necessarily here to give you advice, we are just relating stories that you can read or ascertain from images. You can leave comments,  follow, email us at  twominusmail at gmail dot com , or agree/disagree, laugh along with us or it's more kleenexy alternative. (but that probably won't be needed)

There will be times when we ask you to participate on weigh in questions.  The first coming around 2/14/2011 when we ask "What are you favorite love songs and/or anti-love songs?"

There now you have a head start.